Only the kitchen alarm went off. We’ve been advised that if only one alarm in the house goes off that it’s likely a false alarm and enforcement will not arrive. This is fresh in my head as we’ve only just moved into our new space and had the alarm installed. Still, auto-upset ensues. It’s a 40 minute drive home, and I’m careful not to speed even as the urge arises. My partner and I calmly discuss our options. Reinforcements will not be called. We haven’t exchanged numbers with our neighbors yet. Who do we know who might be nearby who can check on it? No one and nothing.
It’s hard for me to take breaks. Like most people, my self worth is directly tied to my output. Yesterday’s decision to spend a few daylight hours at the beach was not without effort, and it was momentarily in danger of being undermined by the thought that had I been home working, there’d be no intruder scare…that’s a shit thought. Dismiss. I thought about thinking about leaving a bit earlier and wished I had…Also a shit thought. Dismiss.
We’d just had the most beautiful time, and it occurred to me that I’d gone from purposefully relaxed to stressed in 0.2 seconds flat. And for what? Worst case scenario, someone got as far as breaking into the kitchen and buggered off. We’re left with a window and a spatula to replace. Best case scenario – and most likely – it’s a false alarm. Either way, spending the next 40 minutes upset surely wouldn’t improve things. I took a deep breath and thought of the mood I’d been in. I invited it back. I decided to focus on the beauty of the drive. It’s a beautiful day. It’s always fascinated me that bad things can happen on beautiful days. I thought of the poetry in that and did not feel upset. I let the late afternoon sun warm me, the beauty of the landscape entertain me, the lingering dampness of my togs niggle me, my partner’s mirrored meditation comfort me.
It was a false alarm.
Moments later we went on to our next scheduled thing no worse for the wear. Today I’m taking a moment to be proud of how we navigated the tumultuous sea of emotions that is aggravated by the unknown. Top to bottom, it was a good day.